Stir Crazy

Today is four weeks post-op. Stall rest sucks, and as suspected, the mental fuckery of it is absolutely the hardest part. 

Zuzu has me trained to throw the toy down the hall from my corner of the couch.

I had good intentions of posting regularly over the past few weeks in my exorbitant amount of downtime, however I have not had the mental or physical capacity to do too much. The pain is minimal, and that's where the mental difficulty comes into play - I'm used to living in pain and just pushing through, as so many of us are. Except this is pain due to healing, and I'm having recurring nightmares of my innards falling out and every time I feel a pull in my pelvis, whether due to normal healing or (couldn't possibly be) me overdoing it, my anxiety skyrockets. 

I'm also completely stir crazy. My life went from moving a million miles an hour between working at barns, my real job, and all my animals, to basically a complete shut down. I can recognize that I need the rest and reset to heal but someone needs to get that memo to my brain. I really need to give my therapist a bonus because she's truly been the best. 

While I was stir crazy, the labs were thrilled to hit the trails with their favorite auntie. Get you a friend who knows that the animals' happiness is the key to my happiness.

I've been back to work for a few weeks, and Marissa was here through last Friday to help with the critters and help keep me sane. Recovery from a physical standpoint really hasn't been that bad. The pain was always minimal, I never needed anything stronger than advil or tylenol to help manage it, and I'm mobile and entirely independent to my general needs. The animals have been harder for me to do on my own. If one of the dogs pulls too hard on a walk or Tilly decides to do baby shenanigans, that's not great and increases my risk of tearing an internal incision that I would much rather not tear. I trust them all and none of them pull pretty much ever, but it just felt risky until I was cleared for a little more. I also have a system now to fill chickens' feed and water by myself but am so glad that when my lifting limit was under 10lbs, I had someone to do that for me.

While the labs hiked, this old lady sunbathed on the deck.

Now officially on my own for a week, I've been working a lot to catch up on everything with my job, and was promoted which I'll actually be excited about once I can wrap my head around catching up with my current workload. The dogs have been wonderful company and as much as I loved having my mom and Marissa here, as someone who values alone time, I am so relieved to have my home back to myself after three weeks of company.  

Last weekend I groomed Tilly in her field since I didn't have M to bring her in. I really wanted to get to the four week mark before doing things, and though barnmates offered to bring her it it was gorgeous out so we just played in the field and I shed her out in the sunshine. Last night, I brought Tilly into the barn all by myself and groomed her for a whole ten minutes before the pulling of the innards got weird again and I gave up currying her to graze outside for a bit while the dogs chased rabbits around the farm. After a very busy few weeks for the Tilly, I think the downtime is good for her and a peaceful evening at the barn was (not actually at all) what the doctor ordered for me. 

Walking my pony all by myself! Such a silly thing but it made me so happy.

I'm feeling a bit more myself this week, though still utterly exhausted, and am genuinely looking forward to documenting the past few weeks with Tilly. I didn't do too much myself - we had M for that - but it was so much fun to watch her with Marissa and we hit a few big milestones that I can't wait to share! 

The happiest barn girls