Horses and Heartbreak

 It's been a whirlwind few months, and not in a totally great way. 

This was a great day, though. The last good ride we had. 

Tilly is her perfect angel self, as usual. I need to blog about a few things we've done recently and share all her 'Growing up Tilly' pictures. Girlfriend is looking like a real horse these days (and also half awkward baby, love the two year old phase). 

Just a baby donkey

Teddy... is retired. Hence my radio silence. 

I'd mentioned in my last post that he had been in need of some maintenance. He ended up getting his hocks done and went great for a few weeks. Then I was out of town in August, and he was just not quite right, feeling humped in his back, and if you ran your fingers down his glutes he'd crumple and was just hyper sensitive. That ended up trailing up his back, so we addressed his stifles and had the vet look at him. Stifles were injected, and he was put on some Equioxx, and was back to his happy flatwork while we worked to get back into shape. 

"I is handsome. I is hungry. I is retired." Teddy's new affirmations.

We also addressed saddle fit and I'd been actively searching for a dressage saddle for him. What was super annoying at the time ended up being a good thing, because I couldn't find something that made us both happy, and the closest we got was a Black Country Eloquence that he loved and I sort of liked but the twist had me feeling like I was going to a gynecologist. I had a half written post about the saddle saga that will now never get air time - it was mostly me whining anyway. 

I hated this one. 

Through all of this, Teddy continued to have some funky hind end and back days, and then get a few days off and be happier again. It didn't matter if I was riding him or our trainer was, didn't matter what saddle we were using (all saddles that fit him per the fitter), he just wasn't happy through his back and hind end. Never unsound per se, he always trotted evenly, but so uncomfortable. 

To end this saga, we had a conversation with Teddy's wonderful owner, and I got more insight into the extent of his workups the past few years. This on and off discomfort is not new to Big Ted, and they were hoping that pulling jumping from his workload would help his body be happier and it just isn't working. There is part of me that wishes we could do one more work up (at my expense), but I'm also not naive enough to think we will find something that the Florida vets or other big clinics he's been to over the past few years couldn't. So this big hunk of lovely beefcake is retired at 13. It's the right choice, and I'm breezing past some details here that make it make more sense, but it IS the right choice, and I'm so glad Teddy has the owner he does. I've reminded both myself and his owner that while it's unfortunate that he has to retire, gosh it's nice to be able to retire him when he's healthy, not crippled. He's more than pasture sound, he just doesn't hold up to work. 

I'm also trying really hard not to be devastated. It was a pretty short-lived situation and felt too good to be true from the start, and through all of this I was fighting my feelings about this being my fault somehow. It's not my fault, but logic doesn't always reign in situations like this. I retired Goose a year ago in July and this just feels like a repeat of that heartbreak on a much lesser scale, but it's there all the same. I'd been making plans to show him in the spring, had lessons scheduled, and it freaking sucks. I'm also coming up on a year without Goose which leaves me with big feelings about it that I don't really have the capacity for right now. 

Teddy is still living at our barn, and may eventually go retire at one of our boarder's personal farm with her horses. I love seeing him, he calls to me when I walk down the aisle, and he thinks retirement is pretty great, even though he looks confused when I groom him and then just put him away. 

My two favorite bays. Teddy always talks to me when I walk by and Tilly doesn't get why the big guy is always cat calling her. 

When I'm done feeling sorry for myself, I'll have some Tilly updates to post about. In the meantime, I'm just trying to protect my peace during a busy season at work and mentally prepare myself for the shorter days ahead. 

Horses and heartbreak go hand in hand, but it's something I'll choose over and over again. I'm so grateful for the rides I did get to have on Teddy and I felt like I had my wings back for a bit. I still have a Tilly to love and get ready for the next phase in her life sometime next year. It could be worse, but being sad for a little bit about what could have been is okay too (or so they tell me). 

Don't worry, Tilly has main character energy. I'll be back with more updates soon.